New eye candy comes in the form of Rhona Mitra, once a professional Lara Croft look-alike for bawdy UK magazines, now B-roll actress. Her evil father is played by Bill Nighy, a man who has spent his career being a good actor and seems to have decided it was time for a change with this movie.
Similarly, fresh from the critical acclaim of Frost-Nixon, the elfish Michael Sheen is the werewolf love interest Lucien who is hammier in the role than a pork sandwich.
Don’t look for surprises here. Every time a sword or weapon is handled there’s the obligatory “schiiiing” sound that acts as the movie equivalent of tinnitus (meal times must be a nightmare).
Skull-crushingly dull fight scenes are prolonged using utterly tired slow motion jumping effects and the CGI is sub-90s video game standard.
There’s a bizarre sex scene, too, which is filmed in a The Lord of the Rings style and has all the eroticism of Gollum humping a hobbit.
2002’s Dog Soldiers raised the bar for werewolf films and action films in general by being genuinely scary, funny, exciting and inventive. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is none of the above and strictly for fans of the series.